


Napoleon Icecream

by orphan_account



Category: Epithet Erased (Cartoon)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Asexual Character, Autistic Character, Bisexual Character, M/F/F, Multi, Poly Relationship, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22294924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Relationships: Percival "Percy" King/Ramsey Murdoch/Zora Salazar
Comments: 14
Kudos: 57





	1. Pop

It was clear midnight with the moon glowing like a peaceful night light, bust soon that peace would be disturbed. A figure quickly but slightly moves through the comforting glow of the moon. He’s basically a shadow other than the golden eye and tooth reflecting the moonlight. He got in without a problem. He looked around and examined all the beautiful pieces of precious jewelry, art and other things. Even though they seemed genuine and of good value, he wasn’t really interested in them. He was here for a very precious but small piece of jewelry here. A ring made with a gold band and a small, but very precious red diamond. 

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. Oh so carefully he took the precious ring and replaced it with a gold fake. The real deal was in the box safely. He was about to sigh in relief but a sound made him freeze in place like a deer in the headlights has he held his prize in hand. 

The sound of a woman whistling a cowboy tune as her heels clicked on the stone tiles and the spurs on the boots chimed along with the clicks echoing through the exhibit like a phantom. Ramsey looked around for options of escape, finally he just darted to where he came from. 

He looked behind him as he ran to see if Zora was behind him, and tried hearing for her too but the building was so big and minimal it made it hard to figure out where any noise was coming from. 

Suddenly Ramsey ran into something and hit the ground hard on his ass. He tried getting up and running, guessing he must have accidentally ran into a wall or an exibit or something stupid like that. Then a click of a gun mere inches from his face makes him look up at what he ran into.

“Heya Ramsey~” cooed Zora with a smug face and the gun to the man’s head as she towered over him. 

Ramsey said nothing but just gulped and sweat. 

“Yknow, Ah don’t like me a catch without a chase first Ramsey,” she twirls the gun around her finger.

She stares down at him and holds her gun ready to shoot at one of the exibit’s alarms.

“You’ve got a minute gerbil face.” She says as a smug grin appears across her face.

First a gunshot, then alarms screeching, then panting of a terrified man as two pairs of feet run across the tiles and outside as a cowgirl taunts while pursuing her target. 

She tackles him and they tumble through the woods down the hill into a ditch by some rural road. Ramsey manages to squirm out her grip and into the road just to be tackled again. He starts getting up with one of knees still on the ground, but Zora has already had him in a headlock. He puts one of his hands against her face to attempt pushing her off while still holding the velvet box in the palm of his hand.

“Yer gettin’ lil rusty there ratman~!” Zora teased with a smug face. She put her other arm around him to keep him from running or getting loose. She unknowingly put her hand on top of the small velvet box. Ramsey still attempted pushing away from Zora and then, 

A popping of a small velvet covered wood box opening, a car door opening and someone stepping out and a small gasp as the blonde, freckled officer Percival King stood in front of this scene, surprised, with the most rosy color of blush taking over her face.


	2. Panic

Percy stood in shock as her hands covered her mouth hiding some of the blush on her cheeks. Ramsey and Zora frozen in place, where too in shock to try bullshiting their way out or just scampering off.

Percy coughed and looked to the side sorta thinking. Then she started pacing back and forth as Zora and Ramsey frozen in place followed her pace with their eyes. She was thinking but sometimes mumbling stuff out loud to herself and talking to herself a bit. Finally she stopped pacing and made a discussion.

She clapped her hands together and then coughed into one of her hands in a futile attempt to make her blush go away. Then she placed her hands behind her back and turned on her heels towards the two. They both stare at each other then back at Percy not knowing what to expect.

Finally she spoke.

“Through it’s usually traditional for people planning to marry to be dating first before they propose, I accept your proposal of marriage to the two of you.” 

Ramsey and Zora sit there both dumbfounded.

“After thinking it over for a bit, I have decided that I would not mind at all being the wife to the both of you. You are both strong, talented and caring individuals who I have known for a few years now and have helped me, and some cases have their arm severed for me. So I think we would make a perfect husband, wife and wife pair.” 

“What?” Ramsey squawks out with what little he can comprehend at the moment.

“I accept your proposal Zora and Ramsey, so yes. I will marry you too.” She finally announced blush covering her freckled face. 

Zora and Ramsey just sit there in shock. Percy claps her hands together going back into cop mode. 

“I suppose since we are engaged, I shall show public displays of affection for the two of you.” Percy walks over to the two and hugs them and gives them both a small peck on each of their cheeks. Ramsey and Zora’s faces turn beet red but the shock of everything is too much for them to react to. 

“I will come over to your apartment Ramsey so we can all go over to sign the marriage certificate together. Then I will give you my spare house key, contact to a good moving company I know so you may move into my house with ease and of course my address so you know where to go.” Percy states as she heads back to her police car, but not before giving the two both pats on their heads.

She gives them a small smile, a teeny wave, gets into the police car and heads out. Ramsey and Zora slowly stand up together. Ramsey closes the box. Their faces still beet red. 

Ramsey goes to his car and unlocks it, Zora follows. Neither of them say anything. Ramsey starts the car and buckles in, Zora gets in shotgun then buckles in too. They silently drive to Ramsey’s apartment. Not a peep is spoken as they climb up the stairs, Ramsey unlocks his apartment and then lets them both in closing and locking the door again.

Then finally they break free of their shocked spell. 

Hell breaks loose. 

“OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!?” Ramsey screeches finally realizing what happened. He starts messing up his tied back hair, his hands rummage through his strawberry locks as he tries wrapping his brain around what happened. Zora starts panicking and screaming with her hands in her hair too. Eventually the two are just running around the apartment panicking and screaming like chickens with their heads cut off. 

Zora grabs Ramsey by his shoulders and starts shaking him. 

“WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO RAMSEY!?” Zora practically screams in his face. Shaking him still

“I DON’T KNOW!!” Ramsey shouts back as he raises his arms in the air for empathis. 

Finally Zora stops shaking him and tosses him to the side onto his couch like a rag doll. She groans and drags her hands down her face. 

“Well we can’t do nothin’ about it currently, so we’re probably gonna have to wait till eyebrows gets here in the mornin’ to fix this mess up.” Zora huffs, crossing her arms.

“I guess so, but we should probably get some rest to help us figure out how to get outta of this pickle.” Ramsey plops the back of his head on the couches cushions and stares up at the ceiling. 

“So obviously I’m sleeping in my bed, so you can either sleep on the floor or the couch and I’ll bring you some blankets and junk” Ramsey gets up and starts taking off the boots, hoodie and gloves he was wearing during his burglary. 

Zora just groans.

“Ah don’t need none of yer blankets ah can sleep just fine on the couch with what ah got on.” Zora scoffs only realizing Ramsey is already in his bedroom.

“SUIT YOURSELF THEN!” he shouts from his bedroom.

Zora groans and takes off her boots and shuts off the lights. She tries to get as comfortable as possible on the couch. She tips her hat down so it’s over her eyes and she sighs. 

‘It’s gonna be a long day tomorrow’ the two think as they drift to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! This is really fun to write and I hope you guys enjoy it :3!


	3. The Next Morning

There was a stern knocks on Ramsey’s apartment door at 7:30 in the morning. Ramsey jolted awake and tumbled out of bed. Panicking, he grabs a baseball bat he had in his room and turns it to solid gold. He brandishes the bat as he creeps towards the door. 

More stern knocks a bit more quicker than the first time make Ramsey jump and starts waking up Zora. Zora groans and seems quite groggy. Finally Ramsey peaks through the peephole in his apartment door. Then lets out a sigh of relief and turns the bat back to normal seeing it’s just Percy outside his door not in police uniform too. He tosses the bat behind him, bonking Zora who was just getting up in the head as he undoes the locks on the door. Zora growls at Ramsey and rubs her head but decides she will make him pay later for that. 

Ramsey opens the door. 

“Heya Percy-“ he starts then freezes in place blushing. 

She’s wearing red worn down sneakers, denim overalls with stains and holes in it, a red bandanna tied to act like a headband and finally a soft icy blue blouse with ruffles around the collar, wrists and the sides where it buttons up. Without her gloves on he could see her freckles covered her hands too. 

“Good Morning to you too Ramsey, I’m guessing my your attire you’ve barely woken up?” Percy piped up tilting her head to the side.

“What” Ramsey looks down at himself, realizing he’s in white boxers with crayons patterned on it and a much too big for him anime t-shirt. His face turns completely red.

“Yeahhhh, I did just wake up.” Ramsey says rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Just let ‘er in already Ramsey and stop gawking at her!” Zora shouts to Ramsey from her flopped place on the couch. Ramsey steps out of the way for Percy to enter his apartment. She scans the room as he closes the door. Zora lets out a whistle, making Ramsey and Percy turn their heads to her. 

“No wonder Ramsey was gawking at ya! You’re as cute as a kitten!” Zora teases Percy who blushes and mumbles a small ‘thank you’ 

“Ramsey, you look like a dork” she says as she blows a raspberry at him. His face goes completely red, flustered. 

“Well I’m gonna take a shower and get changed,” Ramsey huffed. He turned to Percy. “Make yourself comfortable while I get ready, there’s some drinks in the fridge too, don’t worry, most of them aren’t alcoholic” he winks then goes to his bedroom. 

Percy just nods and sits on the part of the couch that isn’t preoccupied by Zora, which turned out most of it is preoccupied by her. They see Ramsey walk out of his bedroom and into the bathroom. They hear the shower start a few seconds later. 

Percy takes out her phone and starts doing stuff on it as she waits. Zora peers over at Percy curious. Then, she scoots over to Percy and puts her head on Percy’s shoulder. She watches her play a game on her phone. 

“Whatcha doin’ there sugar cube?” Zora asks leaning her head into Percy’s neck. 

Percy stops what she’s doing and turns to Zora who’s resting on her. 

“Oh it’s just one of my favorite video games I enjoy playing in my free time. It’s called Minecraft, it’s a sandbox game where you can build, craft and many other things!” She said with a grin as one of her hands flapped in excitement. 

“That sounds mighty neat” Says Zora. She smiles too, she never realized how cute Percy could be when she’s excited. Percy told Zora more and more about this game she loved playing until Ramsey came out of the bathroom in a nice suit with a red tie and his strawberry hair pulled back in a small ponytail. Zora and Percy both blushed. 

“So I’m all ready, though I haven’t grabbed a bite to eat, yet.” He says as he walks over to the kitchen and makes some eggs. He turns around to the two.

“Ay you two want some eggs?” He asks. Zora shrugs then nods resting her elbow on the back of the couch watching Ramsey cook. 

“No thanks, I already had my breakfast for the day.” Says Percy.

“Suit yourself,” Ramsey shrugs. In a few minutes the eggs are done and Zora and Ramsey dig in as Percy waits on the couch. They finish up and place the plates in the sink. Zora puts her boots back on and the two head to the door where Percy is waiting. 

“I suppose we will be taking my vehicle to head to the county clerk?” Percy asks the two. The two start sweating looking at each other their minds racing of ways to get out of this pickle but they just end up nodding awkwardly. 

“Wonderful! To my pickup truck!” Percy points in a dramatic fashion then walks down the stairs to the parking lot. Ramsey both are internally screaming as they follow Percy. The regret sinking deep into the wound. There was no way they were getting out of this. 

They make it to the parking lot and they see Percy unlock an old fashioned looking pickup truck a bit rusted but it was obviously painted to be greyish blue before it started rusting and chipping. She checks her mirrors then opens the door. 

Percy gets in the driver's seat, Ramsey shotgun and Zora in the back. Percy seems quite content and makes sure everyone buckles up before they start driving. Zora and Ramsey aren’t really sure what to do now. There’s no way to undo this now. The better question to ask at this moment is, do they want to?

“Would you two like to listen to some tunes?” Percy says not taking her eyes off the road.

“Eh why not,” Ramsey said as he shrugged. Zora was just staring out the window making her fingers run on the telephone lines as she stuck her tongue out, not really paying attention.

“Alright!” Percy said with a smile. Then spoke to her phone to play her driving playlist, still not taking her eyes off the roads. 

Heavy metal starts playing. 

Ramsey and Zora just stare at the radio in shock and a bit of confusion. Percy just smiles as she hums the lyrics and her hand taps along to the beat on the steering wheel. Heavy metal plays all the way to the county clerk's office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! I love reading how you guys enjoy the fic and whatcha think about it :3!! I tried making this one a bit longer than the first two!


	4. Signing Papers

“Hey would you two like to know how I could tell this was a courthouse?” Asked Percy as they went up the stairs of the building. 

“Because it says it on the front of the building?” Ramsey teased. Zora slaps him on the back of the head and they both glare at each other. Ramsey rubbing where he was hit.

Percy laughed. “Yes that too, but also because the columns here have ionic capitals which are typically used in courthouses. Also they originated in Rome.” Percy explained as they walked through the building to the desk. At the desk there was a lady who greeted and recognized Percy even though she wasn’t in uniform. Ramsey and Zora were mostly looking about as Percy asked the clerk for the marriage certificate to sign. Zora was looking at the potted plants as she lounged on one of the benches. Meanwhile Ramsey was looking at the art impressed that most of them were genuine. 

“Oh you’re getting married? How exciting! Wait, aren’t you ace Percy?” Asked the clerk 

“Yes, but I am still able to be romantically attracted to people.” Said Percy unfazed. 

“Well congratulations! Who are you getting wed to?” Asked the clerk. 

“Those two.” Percy gestures to Ramsey and Zora. The two perk up from their spots and wave at the clerk. The clerk’s face goes pale, like she saw a ghost. She turns to Percy frightened.

“Percy are you in a hostage or under substance influences?” She whispers to Percy in a panic. Obviously very frightened. 

“Last time I checked, no I am not.” Percy said with a straight face. The clerk looked more anxious. 

“Percy I know your a police detective and all but you do know those two are criminals right!?” The clerk said in a frantic whisper. 

“I am well aware of that yes, but I have come here to get married to them and that’s what I plan on doing. People should be able to get a chance to reform and join the right side of the law.” Percy said as she dramatically clenched her hand into a fist shaking it slightly.

“Alrighty then, just let me grab the form then!” Shuddered the clerk as she went into a back room. Zora and Ramsey walk up seeing as the clerk went into a back room. Ramsey leaned on the counter as they waited. Soon the clerk was back with a piece of paper and she seemed as skittish as a scared rabbit. She places the paper down on the counter for the three of them to sign and she places a pen next to the paper. Percy signs first, cursive with many swoops, sweeps and curls like medieval king’s signature. It’s beautiful. Then she draws a little tower that looks like one of her wizard towers next to her name, it’s not perfect but gets the point across. Next Ramsey gets the pen to sign he writes his first name then pauses a moment thinking. He taps the end of the pen on his chin as he thinks. Finally he writes the last name ‘King’ after his first name. Zora gets the pen finally and writes her last name as ‘King’ too. Percy looks at the paper and squints at the other two’s signatures. 

“I think you two may have mixed my last name for your own last names.” Says Percy as she tilts her head to the side. 

“Nope! ‘Ramsey King’ just gotta nice ring to it!” Ramsey shrugs with a grin. Zora nods in agreement. Percy shrugs as well and hands the paper to the clerk. Who takes the paper back, then types something onto the computer. 

“Congratulations you three you’re officially, in the legal sense, married!” Says the clerk. Percy shoots her fists in the air as a silent sign of victory. Then she spins around and points to the door in a dramatic fashion. 

“To the vehicle once more! But this time! With my husband and wife!” Announces Percy as the three of them headed back to the car. Leaving the shooken up clerk to figure out how feel about that whole ordeal. 

Percy checks the mirrors once more then gets in the truck and makes sure everyone is buckled in as well. Percy doesn’t turn on the music right away when they start driving. 

“Ok so here’s the plan,” Piped up Percy. She seemed to never take her eyes off the road as she drove. It was somewhat impressive to have that amount of focus and self control. 

“I am going to bring you two back to Ramsey’s apartment so Ramsey can pack his stuff up and Zora can help him. Then Ramsey will bring his stuff to my house with the moving company and I’ll help Zora pack up.” Percy finished. The two nodded in agreement. 

It was a peaceful and nice ride back to Ramsey’s apartment. The traffic wasn’t so bad and the heavy metal was starting to grow on the two. Even Zora the hardcore cowgirl. Finally they pull up to Ramsey’s apartment complex. Before Ramsey can thank Percy for driving them to the courthouse and back she hands him and Zora a couple flat boxes. They look a bit confused for a moment then realize what they’re for. 

“I picked up some boxes so you can pack your belongings in them so you do not have to go out and retrieve some boxes yourself.” Percy says with a smile.

“Aw thanks Percy,” Ramsey said rubbing the back of his head. Percy nodded still smiling.

“Also!” She hands Ramsey a key and index card with something written on it. “My house key, my address and a good moving company I know. My address is on the top and the moving companies number is on the bottom.” Said Percy smiling. Even though Zora and Ramsey would probably be running for the hills if they saw a cop smiling at them, but Percy? She made their hearts absolutely melt. 

“I have to go do an architectural job near by so I need to be leaving, but I’ll be back at my house around 8:30 pm. So until I see you two tonight or tomorrow,” Percy gives the two a kiss on their cheeks making them turn red. Then she checked her mirrors once more, got into her truck, bucked up, waved goodbye and drove off. The two stood in shock for a few moments then headed up to Ramsey’s apartment and started packing all of Ramsey’s belongings into the boxes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments on the last chapter!! They gave me a motivation boost to complete this chapter today! Hope you enjoyed :3!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Tell me if you want more chapters please :3


End file.
